Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
