so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
