How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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