Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
