The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
