Just cropdusted the office
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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