Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
