Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
