Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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