Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
