I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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