brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The uberlube is also flammable
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
