how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
