I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
bring money and cleavage
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
