we have officially lost it.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
