He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
