if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
