I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
