Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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