I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
