NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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