I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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