dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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