my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize