I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
