It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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