just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
