Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
