escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm passing your future prison.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
