Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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