dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
