You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
