i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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