Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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