what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
