I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
