I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
