i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
