Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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