Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
