my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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