Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My underwear smells like fireworks.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just invented taco cereal.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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