he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
