Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
