Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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