I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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