I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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