and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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