when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize