Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
