Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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