Everything about him screamed your future.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He literally asked permission to hit on me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
