you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
