Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
