I need help removing her.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
