shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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