Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My ass is underappreciated
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
