I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
