Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
