Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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