my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
