who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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