so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
