Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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