shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
