the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
