8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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