I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
