I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Mom said you looked used
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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