But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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