i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
