...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I love you. Go after that dick
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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