My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
