I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize