I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
