my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You pole danced in your parka.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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