yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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