if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
