I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
