My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
