spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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