Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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