When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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