just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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