Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
