i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
