3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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