That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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