It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
