Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
