I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
