Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
