You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
