Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
