Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
