Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
