is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
