my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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