I was born with a shot glass in my hand
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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