So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
