god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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